Thank you, Ben.

People keep moving, keep living
They don't realize that one of their own is gone
Shouldn't they feel it?
They should feel the cavity in their hearts
It's not their fault though
They don't know
They didn't know him
They didn't know how heroic he was
How he and his wife and son went to do God's work
On the other side of the world


I don't even know the story of how it really happened. No one told me. I guess that's okay. I didn't really need to know. I wasn't that close to them. It still would have been nice to have been told about it though. I just found out. They are part of my family though, my Christian family. He was my brother in Christ and now he's with Christ, face-to-face with Him. I can't think of a better way to leave this world though, saving a life. He died laying down his life to save that of a child. How much more Christ-like can one be?


John 15:13 "Greater love has no one than this, than to lay down one’s life for his friends."


My prayers are with you, Katie and Jeremiah.
My gratitude is with you, Ben. Thank you for being an incredible inspiration to me and the rest of the world.

On Being Equipped and Unused...

I really don't understand.

I watch in amazement and frustration as the world seems to rotate without me. I can feel the seconds, minutes, hours, days rush past me like an angry wind bent on devastation. The only thing I hear is the screaming in my head, silent to the rest of existence, that does not cease. Emotional pain becomes physical. 


But I am fine. Aside from the burning distress in the pit of my stomach. I walk on, praying that there might soon be a manifestation of His love. Then I am tired and beyond stretched, still relying on Him, but faith wavering. Pathetic, it seems now. Reduced to scripting these feelings in a blog, that maybe one person will read... But how else might I deal with this? My burden is mine...but no, it is the Lord's. I am a tool of apathy and disregard, in this moment. 


What I saw this morning was different. Suddenly, my passion was again set on fire. I sat watching the blurry image before me through watery eyes. Then...struck down again. Humbled to remember that for now, it's not my place to take on that which I desire so greatly. Contentment ripped away with strange contempt. 



All that to say this:::


The waiting process is dangerous for someone like me.

It does not matter.

Why do I even have this blog? 




No one reads it or cares if I write anything.

On Being Passionate

The past few days have been an epic eruption of emotion. I've felt everything from utter despair and brokenness to complete euphoria. 'Twas a very exhausting excursion and I am very hopeful that the end of that experience has arrived.

Dear friends, I want to apologize to all those I may have disturbed in those days of sheer unpredictable happenings. I unloaded massive amounts of distress and unscathed agitation on my peers in a desperate attempt to gain some relief and attention. That was probably unnecessary and I'm sorry for being a burden. 

Alright, now that that is taken care of, I can move on to the real reason for this blog!

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Today, I have a word. The word that I want to change and shape my life.

Passion.

This word has several definitions. My favorite, though, is this: "an outburst of strong emotion or feeling."

Passion is something that is easily recognized, by both the person experiencing it and any observer. As soon as passion is stirred it is impossible to ignore or disguise. When you find that thing, that aspect of life that catches your attention and causes you to engulf yourself in it, you cannot evade it. 

The origin of this word is ever-intriguing. It is first used to describe the reason for Christ's suffering on the Cross. 

There is even a flower, called the passionflower.

"The name passionflower -- flos passionis -- arose from the supposed resemblance of the corona to the crown of thorns, and of the other parts of the flower to the nails, or wounds, while the five sepals and five petals were taken to symbolize the ten apostles -- Peter ... and Judas ... being left out of the reckoning." ["Encyclopedia Brittanica," 1885]

Passion is later associated with the Biblical martyrs and their incomparable suffering for the sake of our Savior.

Then, finally in the 1580s it is used to describe the sense of sexual love. 

This word seems to commonly be affiliated with four major concepts: Sexuality, Love, Suffering, and Death. 

It is no coincidence that every controversial and debated issue centers around one or more of these concepts.

Passion is so much more than just caring about something. Passion is an unmistakable urge to take action at any given moment for a specific purpose. Passion is difficult, and sometimes impossible, to suppress. It is simply one of the strongest feelings or emotions that one can experience. 

All this being said though, I still have not touched on my favorite aspect of passion. 

Passion is involuntary. Passion is so overwhelming that it is only possible to be submissive toward it.

What a blessing. No, seriously, that is such an amazing thing. Think about it.

What if we had a choice in being passionate? I concede that we have a choice in taking action on our passions, but the feeling itself is dominating. 

It causes tears to well up in your eyes. It causes rage beyond compare when someone attacks that which you love. It causes that uncontrollable laughter that pains your sides after a while. It causes you to be completely comfortable in the arms of your lover. It causes that instantaneous protective instinct that makes you feel like you could wrestle a 500 pound bear to save a loved one.

Passion is beautiful and dangerous. Passion makes you vulnerable, and at the same time passion strengthens you. 

Embrace it with confidence, friend, and discover how it will change your life.

With Boredom To Spare

I haven't anything brilliant or profound to say yet.

But I do want the availability of a blog in case I do.

Perhaps now is the time for a search for inspiration.

What an annoying word...or rather, concept.

Inspiration.

Never available when needed.

Always seemingly lost in mind.

Hits when least expected,

And at the worst of times.

Evoking strange emotion.

Sometimes joyous and thrilling.

Sometimes anxious and devastating.

What great times have been lost while searching for this...this...this reckless wonderment.

But then, what great ideas have sparked from the same.

So what are we left with, then?

Lost time and naught to show for it.

Or

Epiphany and contentment.